Jesus tells us in Mathew 19:30 "But many that are first shall be last; and the last shall be first." For me, this has always been a favorite ideal of God's Kingdom. I don't think the attraction to this is strictly Christian. You see over and over again in movies with the 'Reluctant' hero, or the 'Nerdy/Nice' guy gets the bad guys girlfriend (the last shall be first) when she finally sees what a jerk he was and usually of course the bad guy ends humiliated at the end of the movie (… the first shall be last) . The most popular family 'feel good' movies are always about the band of misfits/losers who are led by an inspired leader and lead the team to the championship (BadNews Bears, Mighty Ducks, etc.)
If this is all we mean when we say we believe what Mathew 19:30 says, what makes us any different than most of the world which has the same sense/desire for justice. In the real world the 'nice guy' seldom ends up getting the girl. The band of misfits win no championships and they have to struggle their way through life at the bottom of the social ladder whether it be at high school, the work place or God forbid even at church.
History reveals what usually happens when the 'weak' get their chance at leadership. They end up as bad or worse than the ones they replaced. For example when the Spanish Christians were finally able regain control of Spain from the Moors things were peaceful a while, but before long it turned into one of darkest stains in church history, the 'Spanish Inquisition’. Just the mention of the name brings up images of the unbelievable things mankind is capable of, even in the name of religion. Another one that comes to mind is the Bolsheviks. Truly the common man suffered under the rule of the Tsars, but eventually these people who were 'champions' of the poor and underprivileged evolved in the regimes of Lenin and Stalin. Although seldom talked about like the Holocaust, the numbers murdered and enslaved during the 'Purges' of Stalin may actually dwarf those of the Nazis. According to 'Wikipedia' historians estimate the numbers to be at the low end 3 million and maybe as high as 60 million. Pick your number, either way it's about as ugly as mankind can get it.
This suggests that a lot of our infatuation with the 'Last shall be first' is more about jealousy than it is about understanding 'Gods Kingdom'.
I am certainly no historian and I am completely unqualified to teach anyone about history and it is not the reason I am writing today. What I am interested in more than anything these days is how can I become more like 'Jesus'. In the book of Acts (11:26) it says that the disciples were called 'Christians' first in Antioch. I've been told that 'Christian' simply means 'Little Christs'. Sarcastic or not, the early Christians at the time were apparently emulating the life of Christ well enough to earn the title. What have I been doing in my life that would make people think I am acting like Jesus would?
For as much I thought I was trying to make Mathew 19:30 a theme for my life, I need to confess my failure to recognize and give honor to someone in my life who was surely one of the people that Jesus had in mind when he said this to his disciples. If anybody happens to read this and is a 'C. S. Lewis' fan (I am thinking of at least one that might read this and she'll know I am thinking of her) coincidently I just finished reading the 'Great Divorce' once again this week. Chapter twelve presents an image of what Mathew 19:30 really means. Of course I don't believe it was a coincidence, it was a confirmation that I really need to learn this lesson once and for all.
My mother, Nancy Poe was born into a large family in 1933. It was not a Christian family and even though they didn't label things like they do now, it would certainly be labeled today as 'Dysfunctional'. Father with alcohol problems, her real mother I never really knew or understood but was apparently incapable of taking care of the children in a large family.
No social services to call in those days, so when problems came up the kids were passed from relative to relative or put in an orphanage. My mother was fortunate in that she eventually was placed in home where she was raised buy a fairly stable couple 'James and Hilda Howel'. They were not Christians and Hilda was a somewhat 'stern' woman but she eventually became 'mom' to Nancy. Hilda, was related somehow, but to this day I still can't specifically explain in what way, complicated family trees are just a thing of recent history, it just wasn't talked about as much back then.
Only after I began adopting children and started to learn and live with kids who have the baggage with them of being passed around was I able to see some of my mother’s behaviors that were signs of the same kind of insecurities.
Its pretty hard for me to stay on task, so I need to fast forward and tell you that shortly after my mother got married to my father Dale Beaver (I think about 1952/53) that my Dad's mother told my Mom about Jesus and explained to her how much He loved her exactly the way she was.
It must have stuck with my Mom, for the rest of her life absolutely nothing was more important to her. If you ever met her it wouldn't take more than a few minutes to find about her love affair with Jesus, and she would be telling them that Jesus loved them too. Nothing could stop her from finding a way to bring 'Jesus' into the conversation.
When nobody was around to tell Jesus about, she would think about him. She would pray and read her Bible of course, but I really can’t give you the proper picture of how consumed she was with this. She would have Bibles 'stashed' all over the house so she would always have one near by if she got a few minutes to sit still. Every one of them would have what seemed like every page marked with notes and highlighted passages. After she was gone, we would find notebooks that were stashed as well, and often they would just be filled with her copying versus and favorite passages by hand into the notebook.
My mother was a very simple woman. Even for her time period she seemed quite incapable by the world standards. Not necessarily because of intelligence, but she just had no desire to learn how to do things that would make life 'easier/better'. She never learned to drive and wouldn't even consider it. Simple things like using the washing machine or a microwave oven were a challenge for her.
Even though she was an excellent reader, all her life she was unable or too stubborn to let go of her 'Pennsylvania Dutch' grammar and expressions that were humorous at times, but more often made her look far less intelligent than she really was.
For most of her life my mom struggled with being overweight and even obesity in the last years of her life.
And here begins my confession, as a teenager, no great surprise of course, I became very embarrassed by her when my friends were around. The sad part is for teenagers; their friends don't care in the least about things like that in somebody else's parent. Actually they were usually pretty fond of her, as most people where when they got to know her. I was never embarrassed about being a Christian (probably because I didn't resemble one any how) but I would feel like she was being foolish the way she would talk about Jesus to people like he was sitting right there in the chair next to her.
Sure, I know what most people think, you were a teenager and all kids feel that way about their parents. First of all that doesn't make it right. Second I was supposed to be a Christian. But my biggest sin was that I never really let go of those feelings during my adult life. Sure I loved her and wasn't ashamed to be out in public with her, but I never really let go of the feeling of her looking kind of ‘foolish’, with the combination of her Pennsylvania Dutch grammar, her clumsiness and I thought she was kind of weird the way she would talk about Jesus to people.
What I totally failed to see is what was really happening to the people who were interacting with her. Even folks who had no interest in Jesus and Christianity didn't mind any of things I thought were embarrassing.
You see when my mom would talk to people she always told them the same thing over and over again. She would tell them how wonderful Jesus is and then she would tell them this, and this is what people really like and want to hear, She told them that Jesus really 'Loved' them exactly the way you are. Just about anybody knows that they have lots of faults and have made a lot of mistakes and they desperately need assurance that they won't be rejected.
She would be telling my friends when I brought them to the house how much Jesus loved them. They never once would say anything about her or make fun of her. They always 'felt' good after they talked to my mom.
Adults were exactly the same; they always accepted her sincerity even if they didn't accept the message. She always had this smile on her face when she talked to you that seemed to say 'I really like you!' Jenni and I have often noticed that it seems to be about impossible to find a picture of her with out that simple smile. It's really hard to have a good argument with some one who won't stop smiling at you.
No matter where we lived, somehow mom would make a special connection with one or more neighbors that would become intimate with her. They would share their deepest problems with her and look to her for advice.
It never stopped through out her life. She would constantly be on the phone with people she met at church, or just about anywhere. They would call 'Nancy' whenever they had a problem.
For the life of me I could never understand why in the world somebody would look to my mother as a 'Mentor'. Now it is obvious to me, nobody has the answers to the complicated problems or apparent injustices that we have to tolerate. But nobody expects you to have the answers either. There has only ever been one answer to all of our pains and fears. That is this: "Jesus loves you, He knows about your problem and He will be with you and most of all 'Jesus loves you exactly the way you are!'
Nobody was better at telling people that message than my mom, she didn't just believe it, but ‘knew’ it was true.
My mom died in an automobile accident in 1998. Her funeral service was held at Christ Community Church, which is a pretty large church for this area. It was a good thing it was large too. Hundreds of people came to give ‘honor’ to this simple housewife who couldn’t even drive a car. The Pastor said it might have been the largest turn out for a funeral he had ever seen.
I never got to tell her how sorry I was that I didn't honor her the way she deserved to be honored and how much I only now appreciate what a gift I was given to be raised by somebody who loved Jesus. So this is for you mom and also for Jesus. I am so sorry for what I have done. I love you very much and ask for your forgiveness.
I know exactly what she will say when she reads this too. It will be this:
"That’s alright Danny, Jesus loves you exactly the way you are!"
If this is all we mean when we say we believe what Mathew 19:30 says, what makes us any different than most of the world which has the same sense/desire for justice. In the real world the 'nice guy' seldom ends up getting the girl. The band of misfits win no championships and they have to struggle their way through life at the bottom of the social ladder whether it be at high school, the work place or God forbid even at church.
History reveals what usually happens when the 'weak' get their chance at leadership. They end up as bad or worse than the ones they replaced. For example when the Spanish Christians were finally able regain control of Spain from the Moors things were peaceful a while, but before long it turned into one of darkest stains in church history, the 'Spanish Inquisition’. Just the mention of the name brings up images of the unbelievable things mankind is capable of, even in the name of religion. Another one that comes to mind is the Bolsheviks. Truly the common man suffered under the rule of the Tsars, but eventually these people who were 'champions' of the poor and underprivileged evolved in the regimes of Lenin and Stalin. Although seldom talked about like the Holocaust, the numbers murdered and enslaved during the 'Purges' of Stalin may actually dwarf those of the Nazis. According to 'Wikipedia' historians estimate the numbers to be at the low end 3 million and maybe as high as 60 million. Pick your number, either way it's about as ugly as mankind can get it.
This suggests that a lot of our infatuation with the 'Last shall be first' is more about jealousy than it is about understanding 'Gods Kingdom'.
I am certainly no historian and I am completely unqualified to teach anyone about history and it is not the reason I am writing today. What I am interested in more than anything these days is how can I become more like 'Jesus'. In the book of Acts (11:26) it says that the disciples were called 'Christians' first in Antioch. I've been told that 'Christian' simply means 'Little Christs'. Sarcastic or not, the early Christians at the time were apparently emulating the life of Christ well enough to earn the title. What have I been doing in my life that would make people think I am acting like Jesus would?
For as much I thought I was trying to make Mathew 19:30 a theme for my life, I need to confess my failure to recognize and give honor to someone in my life who was surely one of the people that Jesus had in mind when he said this to his disciples. If anybody happens to read this and is a 'C. S. Lewis' fan (I am thinking of at least one that might read this and she'll know I am thinking of her) coincidently I just finished reading the 'Great Divorce' once again this week. Chapter twelve presents an image of what Mathew 19:30 really means. Of course I don't believe it was a coincidence, it was a confirmation that I really need to learn this lesson once and for all.
My mother, Nancy Poe was born into a large family in 1933. It was not a Christian family and even though they didn't label things like they do now, it would certainly be labeled today as 'Dysfunctional'. Father with alcohol problems, her real mother I never really knew or understood but was apparently incapable of taking care of the children in a large family.
No social services to call in those days, so when problems came up the kids were passed from relative to relative or put in an orphanage. My mother was fortunate in that she eventually was placed in home where she was raised buy a fairly stable couple 'James and Hilda Howel'. They were not Christians and Hilda was a somewhat 'stern' woman but she eventually became 'mom' to Nancy. Hilda, was related somehow, but to this day I still can't specifically explain in what way, complicated family trees are just a thing of recent history, it just wasn't talked about as much back then.
Only after I began adopting children and started to learn and live with kids who have the baggage with them of being passed around was I able to see some of my mother’s behaviors that were signs of the same kind of insecurities.
Its pretty hard for me to stay on task, so I need to fast forward and tell you that shortly after my mother got married to my father Dale Beaver (I think about 1952/53) that my Dad's mother told my Mom about Jesus and explained to her how much He loved her exactly the way she was.
It must have stuck with my Mom, for the rest of her life absolutely nothing was more important to her. If you ever met her it wouldn't take more than a few minutes to find about her love affair with Jesus, and she would be telling them that Jesus loved them too. Nothing could stop her from finding a way to bring 'Jesus' into the conversation.
When nobody was around to tell Jesus about, she would think about him. She would pray and read her Bible of course, but I really can’t give you the proper picture of how consumed she was with this. She would have Bibles 'stashed' all over the house so she would always have one near by if she got a few minutes to sit still. Every one of them would have what seemed like every page marked with notes and highlighted passages. After she was gone, we would find notebooks that were stashed as well, and often they would just be filled with her copying versus and favorite passages by hand into the notebook.
My mother was a very simple woman. Even for her time period she seemed quite incapable by the world standards. Not necessarily because of intelligence, but she just had no desire to learn how to do things that would make life 'easier/better'. She never learned to drive and wouldn't even consider it. Simple things like using the washing machine or a microwave oven were a challenge for her.
Even though she was an excellent reader, all her life she was unable or too stubborn to let go of her 'Pennsylvania Dutch' grammar and expressions that were humorous at times, but more often made her look far less intelligent than she really was.
For most of her life my mom struggled with being overweight and even obesity in the last years of her life.
And here begins my confession, as a teenager, no great surprise of course, I became very embarrassed by her when my friends were around. The sad part is for teenagers; their friends don't care in the least about things like that in somebody else's parent. Actually they were usually pretty fond of her, as most people where when they got to know her. I was never embarrassed about being a Christian (probably because I didn't resemble one any how) but I would feel like she was being foolish the way she would talk about Jesus to people like he was sitting right there in the chair next to her.
Sure, I know what most people think, you were a teenager and all kids feel that way about their parents. First of all that doesn't make it right. Second I was supposed to be a Christian. But my biggest sin was that I never really let go of those feelings during my adult life. Sure I loved her and wasn't ashamed to be out in public with her, but I never really let go of the feeling of her looking kind of ‘foolish’, with the combination of her Pennsylvania Dutch grammar, her clumsiness and I thought she was kind of weird the way she would talk about Jesus to people.
What I totally failed to see is what was really happening to the people who were interacting with her. Even folks who had no interest in Jesus and Christianity didn't mind any of things I thought were embarrassing.
You see when my mom would talk to people she always told them the same thing over and over again. She would tell them how wonderful Jesus is and then she would tell them this, and this is what people really like and want to hear, She told them that Jesus really 'Loved' them exactly the way you are. Just about anybody knows that they have lots of faults and have made a lot of mistakes and they desperately need assurance that they won't be rejected.
She would be telling my friends when I brought them to the house how much Jesus loved them. They never once would say anything about her or make fun of her. They always 'felt' good after they talked to my mom.
Adults were exactly the same; they always accepted her sincerity even if they didn't accept the message. She always had this smile on her face when she talked to you that seemed to say 'I really like you!' Jenni and I have often noticed that it seems to be about impossible to find a picture of her with out that simple smile. It's really hard to have a good argument with some one who won't stop smiling at you.
No matter where we lived, somehow mom would make a special connection with one or more neighbors that would become intimate with her. They would share their deepest problems with her and look to her for advice.
It never stopped through out her life. She would constantly be on the phone with people she met at church, or just about anywhere. They would call 'Nancy' whenever they had a problem.
For the life of me I could never understand why in the world somebody would look to my mother as a 'Mentor'. Now it is obvious to me, nobody has the answers to the complicated problems or apparent injustices that we have to tolerate. But nobody expects you to have the answers either. There has only ever been one answer to all of our pains and fears. That is this: "Jesus loves you, He knows about your problem and He will be with you and most of all 'Jesus loves you exactly the way you are!'
Nobody was better at telling people that message than my mom, she didn't just believe it, but ‘knew’ it was true.
My mom died in an automobile accident in 1998. Her funeral service was held at Christ Community Church, which is a pretty large church for this area. It was a good thing it was large too. Hundreds of people came to give ‘honor’ to this simple housewife who couldn’t even drive a car. The Pastor said it might have been the largest turn out for a funeral he had ever seen.
I never got to tell her how sorry I was that I didn't honor her the way she deserved to be honored and how much I only now appreciate what a gift I was given to be raised by somebody who loved Jesus. So this is for you mom and also for Jesus. I am so sorry for what I have done. I love you very much and ask for your forgiveness.
I know exactly what she will say when she reads this too. It will be this:
"That’s alright Danny, Jesus loves you exactly the way you are!"
 |
| Danny and his Mommy |
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| David and his Granny |
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